May I never lose the tether of loneliness, and may I never cease to be repulsed by the adjusted. That is just the way it is. It has been this way for as long as I can remember. A suicidal poem line about playing with survivors, that has been a touchstone. It is not that I want to overcome this 'terrible affliction' nor that I want the world to compensate for me - the friction is integral to the being. The answer to the age old question is I want to be here, irrespective of whether it is by choice or not. The question of freewill is for philosophy and theater. I want the... Not sadness... But principled life. I didn't think out the principled life, I call it that only in retrospect the term fits. Sensation beget rationale. The principled life values life over things, over even the aesthetic pleasures of things, and mostly over ideas. Life can be an idea, or confused as such, but when I know it is real in that tacit way, that is the life I am talking about. Again, not a construct but a sensation, a knowing beyond knowing. The frictions comes by way of living within a culture that craves things and the ideas of things, the ownership tic you gotta scratch. Trying to be principled is like trying to form thoughts without verbs.
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